Mafia Gazette Past Issue 27
Gazette Weekender - News Free For Your Enjoyment 17th September, 2005 'CITIZEN CHOICE' By TieDomi More and more people are choosing citizenship over a life of crime these days. Not all are innocent. Some choosing to fund a crime family, or be somewhat of a leader while not actually doing anything illegal themselves. Some are reconnaissance for families and crews, searching cities for people that are wanted or are to be killed. Some serve as banks for crews or families. Holding the families’ or crew’s money. Some act as insurance and hold on to a person’s money for their next of kin. Still, even with all of the “crooked” citizens there are still a few who want nothing more than to just try to live a life, free of crime. Preferring the horse races and a hard day’s work as their source of income. There are probably any number of reasons why people choose to stay citizen so I asked a few citizens about why they chose the path they have chosen. Here is what they had to say: BarbieDahl: “To be honest...I originally stayed a citizen...because I was tired of my family line dying. No one here has much of a life expectancy. It also made it easier to stay in touch with a friend's family line after they died. Then I started making money...and decided that I wanted to use my money, to help a friend become Made Man. None of my friends lasted long enough to do that. It does become boring...remaining a citizen. I would still like to help a friend become Made...go on a killing spree...then have my daughter come back as a cold blooded killer.” As you can see, not all citizens are as innocent as they seem. ;) DelMurders: "I’m not really planning on staying citizen for too long. I just want to buy a few horses with the help of a friend and then enter the life of crime and sell them." Some citizens just like to make a little bit of money before they go out risking their necks. A little money goes a long way in this world. Relapsed: "I chose to stay citizen because it seems to be practical for my purposes. I am in charge of a group of people who perform actions that cause them to be targets. Someone has to lead them and speak for them, someone who will not die. Someone has to keep money in a business, and someone has to keep a known name at all times." Certainly a good reason. Groups work much better if they have a figurehead. Someone they can rally behind and always count on. LittleCeez: “I remain a citizen because I don't have the desire to kill people, run from people, or chase people, let alone having to worry, everyday, about dying. I don't care for all the he said she said drama that comes along with being in someone’s crew, donating money to someone that is going to die etc. Although there is plenty of he said she said drama with being a citizen too. There are plenty of people that hate on you, beg you for money, and to all those people, just like my jacket says...’If you are looking for a handout, my hand is out, put some money in it.’” Another good reason. Definitely a lot of drama you have to deal with if you take the life of crime. Sometimes it just doesn’t seem worth it. Finally, I decided that I would sit down with myself and ask me why I stay a citizen. TieDomi: “I stay a citizen because I don’t kill other people, so why should I take the risk of being killed myself? I’ll admit I’m not a 100% “clean” citizen but for the most part, especially as of late, I try to keep away from crime. I associate with criminals but I do not fund them or partake in any criminal activities with them. Another reason I choose to say citizen is because I am sick and tired of losing friends over conflicts. It seems that I have at least one friend on every side of every conflict and I’m getting sick of losing them because of choosing a different side. I try to keep out of conflict as much as I possibly can.” What a great guy. I couldn’t have agreed more with what I had to say. In conclusion, there are many reasons that people choose to be a citizen, whether it is because a person really wants to stay clean or because they like funding things but not doing the actual dirty work themselves. Many reasons, but one conclusion. More and more people are choosing the citizen life. Could be a good thing, could be a bad thing, but it definitely is a sure thing. 'DIARY OF A MOBSTER' John Liguiano Jr The first thing's first as they say, I need to make some money. A man ain’t nothing without money, or connections so its time to get both, and fast. Gotta put my name about the place, get myself noticed by the people that matter or anyone that can help. I spot a name that brings a presence with it of power, and more importantly for my situation, money. After a short respectful talk with this man I find he is a street boss and is capable of handing me a loan to get me started, and on top of that I have received an invitation to join this mans crew, two birds with one stone, as they say. There’s no time to waste if you wanna make money fast, so I start asking 'round about the drug prices that I’m still unsure of, no answers yet. Until I bust out another up and comer from jail, he offers his help in anyway we can, he gives me the low-down on good prices on drugs, especially cocaine, we agree to stay in touch and help each other out any way we can, then we part ways for now. Making decent money from my first bit of slinging gives me a slight sweet taste of me on my way to the big time, being one of those guys who doesn’t have to worry about being whacked 24/7 or being mugged around every dingy rain drenched alleyway. I’m in the money, as they say but I make sure to keep it in the bank of every city I am in at the time because you never can be too sure, and I don’t like taking chances. On my way out of a small Bar in Miami I’m busted on the spot, for some random stolen car that didn’t even have the importance for me to remember, while in jail I get nice and personal with Bubba in my cell, not the greatest experience of my life, but whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, as they say, plus the fact I beat his ass at dice and doubled my money helped. First things first check the prices every 2 hours, 17,100 what a price. This kind of find can make a man, so I stock up on as much as I can carry, which doesn’t leave me with much left at all, but fuck it he who dares wins as they say. After stopping off in Miami to speak with my people about getting a sale, 18,450 they say? Fuck that I’m on the way up, I need a bigger price than that I don’t care how long it takes, bad move.....bad move. As soon as I step off the train to Chicago I see the prices are 20,000, bingo. But before I can make the deal the unthinkable happens, the cops confiscate all my drugs and I’m busted, the worst thing that coulda happened just did. After doing some time there’s only one thing I can do Mail the street boss who loaned me the money and tell him the bad news, I have this feeling in my gut like I’m gonna die as soon as I send the message, I write in detail how unfortunate I was, practically begging for forgiveness, after pushing submit I close my eyes in hope for mercy from the reply, only to be told on the screen that "You cant mail dead men".....The street boss dead? A confused mix of relief and fear flow through my veins. Now back to what’s important, me and my money so I start mugging even though I know its wrong I make about 6 grand off little beginners and confused first timers, rob a jewellery store here, rip off a bookie there, anything I needed. Now either someone was just shooting at me or that was a car backfiring? Too late, I’m hit and I fall to the ground with an almost fatal wound, I now have a choice carry on earning in poor health or visit the hospital and end up with the same amount of cash, I decide to play it safe and visit the doctor, after a harsh dig into my money and a new perspective on how these streets work, I’m back to full health and ready to start working again, another day another dollar.......as they say. John 'FEATURED POEM' By: The Mafia Poet Jail In this jail cell I rot, A massive sentence I have got. All I did was snatch a purse, I don’t deserve this awful curse. I see the yard is full of chatter, Covering every subject matter. In one corner there is a brawl, In another betting on a die roll. Returning to my cell to rest, I meet the prisons biggest pest. I plead for mercy, shout, scream, fight, But Bubbas hold is just too tight. I must get out of here right now, I look around, wondering how. Maybe I can use the laundry van, I’ll get out, I know I can. Caught escaping! Damn luck of mine, And now they’ve added extra time. I want out, I need to be free, This bad luck run is bothering me. At last! There is a god to thank, I spy a sharp and pointed shank. Now I feel like a proper thug, I’ll stab the next guy who tries to mug. Finally! My sentence is nearly ended, I say goodbye to those I befriended. I promise to MM the good and trusted, Hurrah! I’m off! I have been busted! 'MAFIA MUSE' Musings of a Mafioso Yesterday’s announcement from RTL that he was sending his bloodline back to Scotland got me thinking about blood feuds. You know, the ones that span generations, like the Hatfields and McCoys. You know, the one that unless you are from the Ozarks you laugh about. If you are from the Ozarks, it’s no laughing matter because you are either a Hatfield or a McCoy, probably both, which makes it very serious. But I digress. Closer to home we’ve seen may feuds that seem to go on forever with tremendous amounts of bloodshed. Usually, it’s because someone feels that their bloodline have been wronged by another bloodline. Usually, some long forgotten ancestor perpetrated the original wrong while the grudge holder seems to feel that they need to kill over and over again. A rookie mistake can lead to generation after generation of death. Often it seems that there is one aggressor and one more passive individual. Both parties are usually at fault for not letting the “sins of the father” die with the father, (Apologies to my female readers) but no amount of conciliation from well meaning intermediaries can stop the violence. It can be heartbreaking to those that are friends with both bloodlines to watch as friend after friend dies. We live in a violent world. Random muggers seem to plague our streets, it would seem to me that those that wish to sharpen their shooting skills have plenty of opportunity ridding our world of those pests as opposed to righting twenty times over some minor wrong committed by an inexperienced newcomer to our world. Our streets have room for many more criminals and I believe that although some “tough love” is needed in the long run we need to nurture the newcomers in order to fill our streets. Is it really necessary to discourage the bloodline to the stage of total frustration and ultimately drive the offending bloodline from our world? Obviously, from the tone of this editorial my feelings are clear on this subject. One more thing, I write this column under an anonymous byline but I want all the reader to know that the views expressed in the “Mafia Muse” column are my own and not necessarily shared by the editor or the staff of this newspaper. 'DEAR OPHELIA' Advice for the Masses By: OpheliaPayne Dear Ophelia, I have this horrible, horrible problem where I open my mouth and say just about anything before my brain even has a chance to think about it and decide if its something better left unsaid. This mainly happens at time of extreme anger or excitement and I end up regretting it later. Tell me what I should do. I love being passionate about certain things, but sometimes I think I take it to far. Yours truly, Loud Mouthed and Dim Witted ------------------------------------------------- Dear Big Mouth, Embrace it.. Love it.. Nurture it. Open your mouth and let your feelings flow forth with great voracity. Passion isn’t something that should be harnessed. Some see it as being a bitch. This is not a bad thing. If you are passionate about something it makes all the embarrassment worth it. In the end, you’ll at least get a few giggles, some attention, and the satisfaction that you are comfortable with yourself and your feelings. Or you could always try using sandpaper on your tongue. I hear the heavier the grit the better, sand is good for your digestion or something. Plus you get the added bonus of losing your sense of taste and even the crappiest food is tolerable! Ooo, or you could use a ball gag… I hear they are the new orange. Sadly they do not make an instant cure to verbal diarrhoea, and we all suffer from it at the most inconvenient of times. Worst that can happen is someone will tell you that you are in dire need of a rectal cranial inversion. Better than needing Ex-lax right? Eventually people will just take you for who you are and not what you say. You can’t make friends by keeping your mouth shut. Entertain your wildest desires, unless they include sheep. Those are Miguel’s.. Oh and midgets.. Those are his too. A voice is a human gift; it should be cherished and used, to utter fully human speech as possible. Powerlessness and silence go together. --Margaret Atwood Canadian novelist, poet With Love, Ophelia 'TOP TEN THINGS NOT TO DO WHEN TRASHED.' Advice from: Valencia 10.) Fall over things 9.) Hit on everyone 8.) Ask The dog to have your babies. 7.) Make some guy your drunken boyfriend. 6.) Tell people about the time you Wet your pants at school. 5.) Do an Impression of any kind. 4.) Spill Rum all over the dog that Rejected your sexual Advances. 3.) Wake up the neighbour and ask for some more Wine. 2.) Go Streaking Through your grandma who lives up the street's house. And the number one thing Not to do when trashed? 1.) Stop drinking! 'HOROSCOPES' With Psychic Scarecrow *Capricorn (Dec 22-Jan 19) - The quicker you settle a disagreement that might arise this week between you and a friend, the better. If it is allowed to linger, others could poke their noses in the matter and wreck the friendship. If this happens, just pistol whip them and tell them to go F*ck themselves. *Aquarius (Jan 20th- Feb 19th) - Although some people with whom you may have to deal today might not measure up to your expectations, strive to be self-reliant instead of dependant on all those drugs you have been taking. Think about selling them, and buying yourself something nice.. like some soap. *Pisces (Feb 20th- March 20th) - If you go around with a chip on your shoulder today, even in defence of something, you are bound to run into somebody who doesn’t give a damn. And all your whining and bitching will just piss them off and they will shoot you. Best if you just don’t leave home. *Aries (March 21st-April 19th) - Face it Aries, you are doomed. Occasionally you feel a need to treat yourself to something nice, such as death. Today could be such a day for you. *Taurus (April 20th- May 20th) - Although you may think you are merely being kind, associates will resent being dealt with in a condescending manner today. For best results, be as sarcastic as humanly possible. *Gemini (May 21st- June 20th) - If for some reason you feel someone has wronged you, seek revenge on the SOB as soon as you can. Burn his house down. Beat up his closest friends, hit his dog with your car, but make that bastard pay. Or, you could wait till you have calmed down a bit before you try to raise a ruckus! *Cancer (June 21st- July 22nd) - A number of people could cross your path today. But try to spend as much time as you can with associates. You never know who could come to your rescue this week. Someone you meet for the first time may have a few tricks up their sleeves. *Leo (July 23rd- Aug. 22) - Goals and ambitions will not be fulfilled today simply because they wont. Solid effort and creative thinking will get you nowhere this week. oh, also, wear long sleeves. *Virgo (Aug 23rd- Sept 22) - If your viewpoint is rigidly fixed this week. And you'll cut yourself from all that are thinking something different. So if you are thinking you are god, you are going to be extremely lonely this week. *Libra (Sept 23rd- Oct 23) - Life doesn’t owe you a free ride this week. No matter how nice of a person you are. so you better shut the hell up and deal with it. Expecting more than you deserve is going to get your punk ass shot down faster than you can say Supergroovestalisticprostafunctication. *Scorpio (Oct 24th-Nov 22nd) - In the week ahead you may find yourself involved with more and more bullshit. Most of that bullshit will be from your close friends. It will all turn up just in time for you to question everything in your life. causing chaos, and mass mental breakdowns. So plan ahead and reserve your strait jacket ahead of time, I hear you get a discount. *Sagittarius (Nov 23rd- Dec 21st) - In situations where others are depending on you today, take your obligation and responsibility seriously. And when they pay you for helping them, rob them blind. Don’t forget to give them Wedgies either. 'WE HEAR THAT…' Gossip column by: Trixie ....OpheliaPayne is not only a window licker, no, no it doesn't stop there. She licks just about everything in her sights. It was an awkward moment in Mithras's Bar when she rushed over to say hello and licked his cheek. ....LaughingMan is Seriously depressed. He has every reason to be. His life is like a stereo Typical country song that’s over played, and Over exaggerated. ....Angry_little_Claudio was found at Neverland ranch (not Bar Folks, Ranch) with Michaels pet Monkey, behind the roller coaster. When He was taken away in cuffs all he would say was "Annie are you Ok? Are you ok Annie?" Still no word on who Annie is, though we think it may be His sheep he cheated on. ....Padilla may be a god on these streets but this woman is just as crazy as the rest of us. She was seen yesterday Meowing and eating ramen Raw. For those of you from the UK, Ramen is a tasty Fast Noodle Delight. After She ate the ramen she demanded Poptarts and half of the world. 'OBITUARIES FOR SEP 16TH - SEP 17TH ' *Sid_Gambini : A man who had his life cut short thanks to a killer acting upon boredom - undeserved. he will be missed. Becky, nooo *sobs* *Mooney : Respected and loved, he bought light to those he knew. Sonny_Andolini, RIP my Brother. BrutusBeefcake_Jr, you were a good man *MST : So often a controversial figure, he would always be seen smiling dispite the way he felt. A major loss for us all. some-one, RIP *L* angry_little_claudio, RIP amigo *Ocelot : Long term bar owner, his was a quiet life behind the scenes, only jealousy could have taken him. WipeOut, RIP Ocelot, you were a good friend. Possessed, Rip sir 'CLASSIFIEDS' Anyone wishing to place an ad should send it in to CarmelaDeAngelis at the Gazette Offices in Chicago. All ads are free, but must still fall within the set guidelines. Horses For Sale: 1 Thunder Thief $250,000 2 Naked Runner $250,000 3 Hairy Captain $250,000 4 Cool Engine $250,000 5 Hungry Escape $250,000 All prices are negotiable. MM me and we'll talk. Contact: ScissorKick. ''Anyone wishing to submit articles should do so by 10am Mafia time on the day of publications. Articles will be paid for on an individual basis. Please contact CarmelaDeAngelis, Editor of The Mafia Gazette, at the Gazette Offices, Chicago. All articles must conform to the guidelines available in the booklet “Newspaper Recruiting” available on the newsstand. '' 'GAZETTE SUPPLEMENT' This supplement was kindly added to the newspaper by The Consul of Rome 'The Roman Times I' Saturday, September 17th 'FAMILY AND EMPIRE… ' The past couple of weeks in the community have shown a significant increase in Mafioso loyalty to family rather than small cliques and crews. Some of these families include the Aurelii Family of Rome, Gran Circulo Di Chido, the LVC, the United Nations, The Neighborhood Outfit, and until just recently, the Dead Cell family. All of whom, have highly respected leaders and continue to play an important and dynamic role in shaping the mafia community today. However, some critics still question whether this is a good thing. There is still from fear and resent left over in this world of the past where large families led to tyrants controlling most of this thing of ours. Essentially, their families were closer to mafia empires, spread out over cities, not just bars and streets of an individual city. Countless wars have been waged by these families and empires, vying for control and supreme domination of the Mafia. Of course, optimists say that families have been and always will be a good thing and important part of the structure of the Mafia. Some would say, “Without family, without respect, without Mafia.” Many could not imagine, myself included, a world where family is not an essential, and important factor of the community. The whole foundation for establishment of family within the Mafia was to create great respect, honour, love, and sacrifice for the greater benefit of the community. So how can we as respectable Mafioso’s, question the strength of family? Is the potential for imperial rule that frightening? Only time will tell… ROMAN RUMORS ' …Our empire hears that the Magic 8 Ball actually has 20 different possible outcomes! A startling discovery because it was once believed to have had only a handful. Could this change the very face of Magic 8 Ball sales or is it just another scheme? …Some Romans have heard that a soulless body by the name of Alphonse has opened a bank of some kind. Can a soul truly be trusted as we would believe or could this be another plot to take the money of gullible people? …We hear that Father_TeQ hoped to reestablish communication with his friends this past week and was killed only shortly after. Will the hatred towards him ever end? …The Pro-Consul of Rome has been inactive for two days now and the plebeians question what he is up to. Some speculate he has a mistress whom he spends long weekends with while others say that he is sent to the soldier camps by the Consul of Rome to stay just so he has something to do. So what is the Pro-Consul actually up to? …Aurelius Marcus was found trying to shoot nothing but air while yelling “that’s what you get for trying to mug me.” He almost killed one of his Praetorian guards in the crossfire, but he claims that a random mugger by the name of angryrape has been mugging his family for a couple of days and then hiding when they go searching for him. Aurelius Marcus was given this note by the old man after having seen him try to attack nothing at all, “Well done champ. You just killed your imaginary friend.” Later it was found out that in fact, there was someone who the Consul did shoot who tried to mug him, but went by the name of “angryape” not “angryrape.” Embarrassing time for a disoriented Consul of Rome… 'ROMAN LIFE TRIBUTES ' ~Randle McMurphy~ ~Ocelot~ ~Father_TeQ~ All Honour to their names! 'REFERENCES '''1. '''Article taken from http://pvp.a.mafia.org/gazette.php?issue=35 Browse • • • • • • •